Man...there's something wrong with me.

i cant eat.
i cant sleep.
i'm so tired.
but I cant sleep.

i need...to get out of this place.

i'm so fucking hot.
and it's so fucking cold.
i feel crowded.
claustrophobic.
i think i just had some kind of panic/anxiety attack.
i cant breathe.
im itchy all the fuck over.
what the fuck is wrong with me.
why am i so broken.
why cant i just suck it up and move on like everybody else.
this is absolutely rediculous.
there's no need for this.

everyone else goes to college and graduates and gets a job.
all the while partying and smoking weed and getting drunk and having causual sex and they still become fucking doctors and lawyers and business men and shit.

why am i the only one that cant suck this shit up and just fucking do it.
im such a fucking emo kid.
it's absolutely rediculous.
like i dont contain the genes that make it possible to be happy.
normal.
i just want to be fucking normal, dude, just fucking normal.

i....god.

I have class at 10:10. I'd love to be asleep right now.
but im not.
because i cant.
and theres no point in even trying when i know it's not going to happen.
smirnoff is brutal, man, fucking brutal.
that shit is stronger than fucking jager.
jager makes me nervous but straight smirnoff is definately worse.

why am i trying to drink myself to sleep.
im not an alcoholic.
im a fucking fraidy cat.
im so afraid of life, to let things fucking happen.
everyone sees it too.
my mom knows she wasted 20 grand for me to go to college and i cant even fucking function like a normal fucking human being.

i keep asking myself what the point of living is if im just going to have a fucking breakdown every other day.

i keep saying im not much for suicide.
and im not.
but honestly...this is getting rediculous.
i need help, but i dont know how to do it on my own.
i dont know how to do anything on my own.
i cant sleep, i cant eat, i cant breathe, im anxious, nervous, hot, itchy.....

im fucking freaking out.
this is completely unneccessary.
this is not ok.

fuck my life, man, just fuck it.

fuck it off a cliff.
fuck it up the ass.
one fuck two fuck red fuck blue fuck.

i fucking love dr. suess.

i really dont want to drink myself to the point where im throwing up.

thats all for now i guess.

thanks.
bye.