Birds gotta fly, fish gotta swim.

I want to talk to Joel. I feel like he could make me feel better. Or atleast take my mind off things.

I had a fight about P with her earlier. Idunno. I told her I wasnt gonna go to his place with her anymore, for a while anyway, cuz I thought it was best that she not hang out with him 24/7 anymore..But obviously if she wants to theres nothing I can do except not..go. All the time. You know? I guess..I dont know. But she got mad at me..Yuck. who knows, man, who knows. I give up. I wanna talk to Joel. Bye.

♥me.

This is..unfortunate.

Well..I guess we'll see how this goes. I'm thinking this is going to be a total and complete secret. That was I can feel free to babble about whatever and whoever I want..and I think I'll start with..well who knows. Theres always Byron. I used to be pretty close to him, now he's a jerk. And hes a moron..But I suppose thats beside the point. I dont know. Theres a lot building up inside that's just really hard to express. My feelings about everyting that's happened lately..you know? Well I guess you dont know. It's just hard. Its been almost a year now that I've had to prepare, and more than three months to get used to...and I still..I have such attachment issues. I really want to blame Byron for this whole thing. I guess it helps for me to hate him. I have plenty of reason to dislike him, but maybe I hate him more than I should because I feel like my entire friendship with Michelle fell apart because of him. But of course...It does, inevitably, lead back to me. Sometimes I stand in my driveway, looking across the street at the space on the ground right next to my mailbox. I sat there one night, two or three days after Christmas '05..And I called Chad. I invited him to my house. He came with Byron, and thats when Michelle and I met him. Had I never been...had..If I hadnt done that..Nothing would have changed. We'd still be littered with good times...No heart breaking memories to worry about. Re-cap: I hate Byron because it helps me evade all the blame that would otherwise rest on my own shoulders.

In other news, this whole on/off liking Joel thing I've had for the past two years isn't going well. On and off as ever...But It's impossible to try and take it anywhere, because of how little we see each other. I wish I could see him more, but I dont have a liscense and he doesnt have a car. Annnd my pockets vibrating. Cheers. I guess thats good, because um..This topic is as dead as can be. Re-cap: I hate men.

I really cant wait until school lets out. I mean..I'll be working for most of the summer, but I'll be making a lot of money...And I'm leaving for Jersey at the end of the month. Definately a plus. I cant wait...God..It's total bliss. Spending my days walking the boardwalk, or on the beach..Water park, rides, whatever I want to do. All at my finger tips...Freedom at its very best. Nothing to worry about..I love it, so much. After summer is said and done I'll be a senior..Then of course comes college worries, Quinsig. Here I come! My SAT scores werent great, but whatever. Im taking them again in October..Hopefully I'll do better. Maybe I'll be able to just..start fresh in college. Leave the..remains of this..rediculous life pattern behind. Thats all it is anymore..Little scraps of the incredible life I had before. Everythings gone, its all wrong. I havent even graduated yet, and already my whole ..comfort zone is just..disintigrated. Like I said, maybe college..I can pick up something new. I dont know. Wish me luck?

Im gonna head up and clean out my box de lunch now I guess. Head out for one last butt then off to bed..Jen's graduation party is tomorrow, so that should be fun..Just have to get through the school/work part of the day first.

Adios, amigos.