Yup...Losing the fight.

Like I said before..I'm going to lose this. And I am. I did, actually. A little over a week ago I just...called the whole thing off. Broke it off, you know? I had the house to myself for an entire week and two and half days off, and he spent them with his pal Angel and...not me. Hes happy with Angel...and not..me. Tuesday night while I was working, he kept trying to get at me via text. Like really, really tried. Apparently all you have to do to get attention from your boyfriend is break up with him. I dont know. So wednesday night after work he picked me up and we went for a drive and he told me all about how hes going back to school and this that and the other thing and he was...normal. Not quiet and sad and lost in his own thoughts. It was weird, but good. We went back to his house and had a long talk that ended in trying the whole thing again. I kindof slept through thursday night, he called but either he didnt really want to see me or he didnt want to interrupt my sleep...who knows. So I send him a text after work today, whats up, you know? He's all..chillin. I ask if hes with anyone and he just says yeah. I say, Angel? Yeah. Oh..well..have fun then. O...k. O..k? What the fuck. Try...sorry hun we'll hang tomorrow. You know..something good. Anything good. My god. Little later I say, youre prolly dropping him off sunday or monday then? He doesnt know. Angel's always at his house all fucking weekend. He doesnt sleep over one night at a time. Three or four nights is his gig. When this kid crashes, he crashes, and I dont get to see my boyfriend, and he doesnt bother to try to adjust the situation. I asked him around 12 if I would get to see him at all this weekend. He says maybe I think so. Maybe I think so...Maybe I think so?? Try yeah sorry hun I'm dropping him off tomorrow when do you get out of work we'll do something cool and then go back to my house and be together all night until you have to work on sunday! My god. I was under the impression that having a boyfriend meant they wanted to see you more often than not. Or..you know..EVER. I dont know man..if nothing changes..Im just gonna move on. If I cant have him, I'd like to atleast have myself. I was perfectly fine alone. He pulled me in..It feels like its just a game. He was so good to me at first to pull me in and now hes just keeping me because he needs somebody to be there. And Ive done nothing BUT be there for him and try to help him and do whats best for him and ignore whats best for me. Its not fair. Im better to him than Im sure anyones been and he just treats me like im not even there. Thats not ok. Im not a relationship person. I guess there was a damn good reason for it. I just dont know why I keep forgetting it.