I'd like to first take the time to tell you that today is seven years since our first last goodbye. I guess I'll never forget it, but at least it took until 11:05 to remember. Rad.
Totally beside the point. Old news. On to more pressing matters. I'm barely scraping by on my lowly $10.25/hour. Not so much keeping up with the bills and all that...well. Slowly but surely. It's a little sporadic though. I need to pass this test and I NEED to get a fucking raise. For all the shit I do for that store...I need a goddamn mother fucking raise. Balls!
Which brings me to situation #2...SO Awkward. Well...Yeah, the situation is awkward. I'm so effing paranoid I cant even get into it. I wish I could, because it drives me crazy and I think about it far too often.
It's funny though, how I'm not more articulate...If I was, if I was an artist of language, I would write so many stories. Or books. I plan out our future together constantly, every nook and cranny of our up and coming love. Even though...I hardly know you. I spend time with you, yes, but not exclusively, and not a terrible lot. We are social in passing. Or whatever. But somehow, I've mapped us out entirely...and traced our course around the twelve billion obstacles that are clearly in our way. I pretend you love me and I pretend we're happy. I'm directing a film in my head.
The odds of my film playing out?
Slim.
Probably none.
Even if there is something there...
There's just far too much ahead of us. It wont be.
But it's kindof too bad.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Be runnin' up that hill.
If I only could make a deal with God...I'd get him to swap our places.
I feel like the last two years have flown by sometimes, but when I look back at things like this it occurs to me just how long two years really is. I've fallen in and out of love so many times with so many people...So many experiences have come and gone and I've lost friends and made new ones.
Here I am, still, though. In the same places, with the same future ahead of me.
No future ahead of me.
I'm going for my national pharmacy technician certification next week. If I pass that test, things should look up. At least a little bit more than they have been.
It's 1:58. I have work at 3...I need to vacuum, change, wash a couple of dishes, and collect my thoughts.
Celtics/Heat tonight..LETSDOIT.
I feel like the last two years have flown by sometimes, but when I look back at things like this it occurs to me just how long two years really is. I've fallen in and out of love so many times with so many people...So many experiences have come and gone and I've lost friends and made new ones.
Here I am, still, though. In the same places, with the same future ahead of me.
No future ahead of me.
I'm going for my national pharmacy technician certification next week. If I pass that test, things should look up. At least a little bit more than they have been.
It's 1:58. I have work at 3...I need to vacuum, change, wash a couple of dishes, and collect my thoughts.
Celtics/Heat tonight..LETSDOIT.
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