I...really...

I'm beginning to hate who I've become. And by beginning, I mean I've kinda hated me for a while now. I have absolutely no self confidence or self worth, and it's affecting my absolutely everything. Every aspect of my life. I just dont know what to do with myself anymore. I'm terrified of life. I see John, and I dont understand why every girl under 5'5" in the world isnt going after him. He's cute, he's got a great personality, he's a sweet guy, he's got his life on track...He's got a plan for the future, he's fucking ripped...I mean I'm kindof starting to think I'm more jealous of him than having fuzzy feelings for him. He's better than me. I feel like everyone has a big old fancy plan for life but me. I feel like I'm just the only one who has no idea what the fuck to do with my life. I feel like I'm on the edge...I dont know. Im sick.